And once again it is THAT TIME OF THE YEAR …………where miraculously, I am a year younger……

Unlike the rest of the pack I drank from ‘the fountain of youth’ a decade and half ago and ever since then I’m getting younger by the minute .

Don’t believe me?? Ask the ‘Mental health’ services .

Okay, so those who know me well enough won’t certify me as half crazy for ‘the above statement’ because that ‘ship a la cuckoo’ has sailed eons ago but those who don’t … Brace yourself !!

It’s time to celebrate a birthday with me , Kainaz Jussawalla ishtyle…..…

Sounds like ”A fun event” huh?

Fun ?? Really?

If ‘fun’ in Oxford dicky means- Anxiety,confusion, hopeless hope … then yes it’s a fun proposition!

If all this still doesn’t make sense; let’s familiarize you….

You see, I’m one of those few people who is endowed with, what is known as – ” Birthday dilemma.”

Mixed feelings of joy and hysteria.

Somewhat like what every pregnant woman goes through – Unavoidable Labour!

Like a slow build up for 9 months, the 9 days pre Birthday build- up is almost as crazy and breath sapping.

Except that mine is every year.

Now that you all have got the rough picture ”of the picture”, let me tell you what the people around me have to face or rather endure, out of ‘law of no choice.’

But before that, I shall let you in quickly on a carelessly guarded secret- ”I am paranoid about getting OLDER!”

Call me …..An Ageist. But it freaks me out – A year less in hand. To me, it translates as fewer days left- to achieve, dream, love, become a Fashionista, to solve crime….

It also means lesser control on the bladder, bone density, reflexes and immunity.

All that combined with very little sleep, wrinkly brows, unrecognizable-names of medicines, ‘diminishing hair on head but increasing on face’ (eventually) and more -difficulty coping with ever- changing techno- I still have to find ‘ONE good thing’ about GROWING OLDER!!! (And wisdom is not on the table for discussion) shade

I know most of you out there are being all ‘Amazing- grace’ about letting the years slip- by but I fight it every step.

Like a tigress on a mission.

I snap like a shark if anyone tries calculating and tricking me with age related riddles like:

‘Who was the Principal at St Xavier’s when you were around?’

‘We didn’t have one; our college was on Auto pilot, you Curious/conniving George!’

I also don’t think twice before getting my hands soiled in the wet mud of fibs and lies if it’s the need of the hour. Some regular Pinocchio examples:

‘Oh she was my professor in school not my batch mate….we just having tea together.’

‘Yes I started a full time career only ten years ago….(not 20!)’

‘I swear this is my natural hair colour.’ (Hazel brown streaks?)

‘Of course it is all puppy fat! This weight gain is just temporary; post teenage hormones you know.’

Now that we on the same page, let’s enlighten you on what the rest of the tribe around me, must go through on My Big Day:

FAMILY (Anxiety )

They walk on a tight rope on D day and few days prior .

‘Should they or shouldn’t they surprise me with cake / flowers/ jewelry / car/ party ?’ – An Eternal Question.

Experience has taught them – Neither, nor!!!!

But then again if it’s neither then the obvious answer would be – nothing !

Oh that’s criminal error!

spell

”You guys got nothing for me ? It’s my birthday dammit! The heavens had blessed this universe with a unique desirable creature. How can you all not be grateful and do something out of the box for me ?’

‘Damned if they do. Damned if they don’t.’

Their premature grey hair ….. an involuntary consequence of my birthday pickle? High possibility.

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FRIENDS

(confusion)

Now now let me tell you , these mischief makers known as buddies – They actually want to ring me on my Big day to wish me?

I mean who calls on birthdays to ‘wish ??’

Well I guess one does but my phone is on silent 364 days… (to avoid Polite conversations) so what makes the 365th any different ?

Yes agreed, it was that rare day in History where both the Sun and Moon touched the Earth but Opera singing through my delicate ears ”Happy Birthday happy birthday to you – What plans today ? Maybe this is THE YEAR…… ”

The Year for what …….exactly ?

”Sky dive without a parachute? Find Prince charming disguised as George Clooney? Win a Noble Prize for Peace?”

‘Like a chalk on the blackboard effect’; screeching and shivery, the phone calls coupled with question- answer routines drive me insane.

Now thanks to these B’day wishers I am not only reminded that I’m a year maturer but if I’m having a small do, I’m forcefully obliged to invite them last minute as they remembered ‘my Day’.

And as I am blowing my Forever 21 candles; I’m all hot and boiled inside with the ‘How old is she really?’ subtle giggles…

Which is wick- smoke and which is the internal seething flame? Tough call there.

BOYFRIENDS(the hopeless hope )

If you thought family and friends have it rough… talk to my exes .

Rumour has it that they are on pins and laxatives a fortnight before July 19, nursing the ‘constipation of apprehension.’

whop 1

It’s the devil’s(angel’s?)D Day –

That means,’Huge Expectations for High Performance’ ….Vis a vis – Gift- giving , bouquet choice, time allotment, Fairytale planning to the T and the use of ‘right words’ in messages, cards and dialogue.

If my ranting and taunting all year is bad – An upcoming birthday would be the ‘Game of Thrones of Relationship- drama.’

Non- performance shall lead to dire consequences such as isolation, annihilation and exile. (Making Chinese torture look amateur )

But this year I decided to do it differently – Not call 911 but instead take it as it comes.

So I went one step ahead and announced my Birthday on every Social Media platform and my Wats app status.

Some may call it desperation. I just call it …..”Surrendering to my uniqueness!”

After all shouldn’t they have attested a National holiday on my birthday, already?

Hands up those who are with me on that !

#Paranoia #Forever21andabit #Agerage

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HUMILITY

‘If you are humble, neither praise nor disgrace will touch you, because you know who you are.’….Mother Theresa

I know that I am not a Super- successful person but I’m getting there.

Hard work and dedication are my weapons of construction .

I always thought and even experienced that when people get their victories and success and reach heights on their career graphs , their confidence increases. ( they walk with a bounce that is characteristically different from their earlier one )

They even get slight accents ( over night ) and throw their weight around ( literally ) and talk in a high handed (bordering arrogance) manner which is probably a huge ego boost.

So naturally I should have been doing the same as ‘law of all probabilities’.

But a strange thing happened making me believe that we all can choose our reactions and our attitude and being cocky or grateful is a purposeful choice.

Let me explain. You see after after my fair share of personal challenges, few years ago the universe decided that it was my turn to shine under the golden sun.

(Either that or it was a test of character.)

‘Let’s bask her in some glory’ it cooed; ‘poor kid – she’s worked hard enough, she has had her share of heart scrapes – let’s show her some benevolence and special empathy.’

I wasn’t complaining, of course!

After all who doesn’t want to be written about ? Get publishing deals? Be a brand ambassador? Get followed by 1000’s on social media just for pouting and shouting and have more google pages than Angelina Jolie? (Kidding )

But an ironic episode started almost simultaneously.

The more steps I climbed on this ladder of slight fame or popularity, the more humble I became .

At first I was confused. People said I was being too modest.

I thought maybe I’m guilty to be ‘this or that’ while others around me are still trying etc etc

But after a few shots of consuming ‘victory – tequila’ I realised that it was not only innate in me but also a conscious decision to let myself fly over the rainbows of recognition whilst keeping my feet planted firmly on Planet earth.

I have always thought I’m too old to start afresh; that I should have achieved so many things a decade ago but had I done that, I may have been pig headed or conceited likes some.

I have met a few authors who have had their books on best seller lists (can’t take names)

They walk around like the sun shines from their derrière.

I have hob- nobbed with Industrialists who deal in billions but they are as stingy as a man on his last dollar.

I have met celebs who think that the world was only created to keep them sufficiently entertained!!

And all I have wanted to tell each of them as and when I have been lucky to (hiccup sarcasm) come across them : ‘Dahling get over yourself. This universe is too vast and too busy dealing with its own drama to notice your obnoxiousness.’

But of course there are strong exceptions…..

Those that restore our faith in unpretentiousness and decorum. One person I bumped into a few years ago was ‘Ratan Tata’, a jaw dropper to say the least. He not only exuded simplicity and good will but had the softest voice to match.

No loud and flashy; ‘Look at me you ordinary specimens – I am the Special child of the world,’ baloney. This Parsi gentleman with a mammoth Empire and a heart to top it; is a walking- talking -eye opening inspiration.

Ms Fancy Pants and Richie Riches from page 1, 3, 5 10 could learn a thing or two, from him.

Another I spoke to few times over official texting was actor Boman Irani; I have also heard from the grapevine that he makes time for anyone who approaches him for work; however small their request.

No ‘D.N.D. I am So and So…’ jargon most Stars will feed you with.

And though I had never seen the magnanimous Mother Theresa or the highly esteemed Dalai Lama, they are well known to be the Paragon of humbleness.

Dalai Lama has actually been quoted saying ‘If science proves some belief of Buddhism wrong, then Buddhism will have to change. ‘

Imagine the intrinsic core of a man who is ready to surrender his conviction and accept another view point if proved flawed?

And the Queen of the poor and needy ; Mother Theresa, she would have written a thesis on humility if she had the time.

I can’t forget her words, ”Very humble work, that is where you must be, for there are many people who can do big things but there are few who will do the small things. ”

For at the end of the day , we don’t own anything and no one owes you anything either.

“Being famous or successful or wealthy is not your birthright. It’s a grace. It’s the universe being kind.

There were others who were smarter, more honest and nicer than you – you were just in the right place at that time.’‘

The above is something I remind myself to keep grounded; when in the rare occasion I start thinking that I’m indispensable or ‘too cool for school.’

Then I wake up, shake-up and make an added effort to get my words across to those who feel intimidated to reach out to me (perhaps in shyness or uncertainty) – ‘Hey I’m just like you . I nurture similar fears, ride same emotional roller-coasters and hide more darkness in my closet than you probably do. And I am learning too….’

I can’t urge everyone to see the point in being humble but I can inspire a handful at the most, to conduct themselves with dignity; knowing fully well that no pivotal post is permanent , nothing is set in stone and no sense of grandeur is truly real or secure.